Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
