I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
