I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
