walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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