Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
