I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
