there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
