Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
