i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
