I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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