Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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