I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
