Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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