It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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