You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
