Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
