I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
