When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
