If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
