you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
