just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
