your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You can't motorboat a personality
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
