Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
