The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
