Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
