You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ketchup is God's man juice
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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