My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
