never play flip cup with pint glasses
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
