Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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