you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
