cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
In America we eat man semen.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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