My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
