you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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