Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
