Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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