I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
