OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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