Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
