I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She needs sedatives and a leash
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
