I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
