I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
