This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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