so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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