i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
