I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
