just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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