Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
