Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just found puke in my bra..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
BRING THE BAGELS
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
