You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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