So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
